The Mustn'ts

Listen to the Mustn'ts
by Shel Silverstein

Listen to the mustn'ts, child,
Listen to the don'ts
Listen to the shouldn'ts
The impossibles, the won'ts
Listen to the never haves
Then listen close to me -
Anything can happen, child
Anything can be.

I was reading "Where the Sidewalk Ends" with my daughter last night and just loved this poem. It is short and simple, but emphasizes an important point. I think parents are too often told of their children's limitations....that they won't be able to do something because they're too big, too small, too short, too tall, not smart enough, not strong enough, too this or too that. This poem reminds me to ignore the naysayers and to encourage and support my children in achieving whatever it is they want to achieve. As Shel says, "Anything can happen, child. Anything can be." I came across an article this morning that proves this point, yet again.

Brennan and Jenna

Monica from Monkey Musings tagged me in the Name Tag game, where I am supposed to explain how we chose each of our children's names. We did not have any family names that seemed fitting, so we headed to the book store and bought a couple of baby name books. Eric liked unique names and I liked traditional names....so, in naming Jenna, Tanner and Parker, we compromised with names that aren't totally common, but aren't totally uncommon either. Jenna has my middle name (Noel), Tanner has Eric's middle name (Christian), Parker has Eric's dad, brother and nephews first name as his middle name (James) and Brennan has Eric's first name as his middle name. But, no big stories or significant background for each of the kids first names. Except Brennan. Jenna actually named Brennan. I'm not sure how she came up with the name (although one of her best friends from preschools last name is Brennan - but Jenna says she didn't know that when she picked it). But for quite some time before he was born, she said she thought his name should be Brennan. When he was born, we decided she was right. And, you could say, the rest is history - as the two have had an incredibly close bond ever since.
All of our kids adore and have great relationships with Brennan - but I think Jenna may be his biggest cheerleader. She is incredibly observant and notices and brings to our attention each new skill Brennan learns. You'd have thought it was Christmas morning the way Jenna was jumping up and down and cheering the first time Brennan got into a sitting position by himself. When friends of mine are inquiring about Brennan and how he's doing - Jenna jumps in and starts telling them all of the things he can do. She's just so proud. She holds him, hugs him and plays with him countless times throughout the day and always tells him that she loves him and that he's the best baby in the world. And I know that she means it.

A Quote

"Enjoy the little things in life, for one day you'll look back and realize they were the big things"

I saw this quote in a store a while ago and have thought of it many times since. I find myself enjoying the little things even more than usual lately....the sweet interactions between my kids, the funny things they say, their contagious laughter, their heart warming hugs. These seemingly little things really are the big things in life.

Our Fall Schedule and One Cute Cow

With our kids at ages 1, 3, 5 and 6, they are going in four separate directions during the week. Jenna is in 1st grade and is at school 7 hours a day 5 days a week, Tanner goes to Pre-K for 3 hours a day 5 days a week, and Parker goes to preschool 3 hours a day 3 days a week. Jenna, Tanner and Parker all take swimming lessons once a week, Jenna has gymnastics once a week, Jenna and Tanner both play soccer once a week and Jenna goes to an art class once a week and Daisy's once a month. Brennan currently has therapy 4 times a week. One hour each with a physical therapist, speech therapist and developmental specialist (who all come to our house), then one and a half hours at our local early intervention center where he attends a playgroup run by a physical therapist and two occupational therapists. One half hour is spent in their therapy room working on gross motor skills and the remaining hour is like preschool where they have a snack, circle time and play time. The amount of therapy he has seems right for him and for our family. Brennan's service coordinator recently asked if we'd like to add any services and I felt confident saying that we wouldn't. Three of Brennan's four therapies are scheduled while his siblings are at school, which I really like. It lets me focus on his therapies while also not taking time away from my other kids. So, there you have it - our fall schedule. And, just for fun, a picture of one cute cow on Halloween night with his Grandma.

Hallelujah!

Brennan is (finally) drinking from a straw and I couldn't be happier! We had been working on it daily for months and I was starting to feel pretty discouraged. So, we took a short break from the straw ( I think I needed the break more than him!). Then, I gave him some soy milk in the honey bear on Friday and he drank from it all by himself. I wasn't that excited when it first happened because I thought it may be a fluke and the next day we'd be back to me squeezing the liquid into his mouth. But, he has been drinking from it by himself several times a day since then - even signing "drink" or pointing to the honey bear wanting to drink quite often. He gets pretty cranky now if someone else is having a drink and he's not. Quite a change from even a few days ago! He'll even hold the honey bear by himself, which is great! I'm so proud, happy, relieved.....hallelujah!

Brennan and Parker

Parker, our third child, turned three years old in June. As the child closest in age to Brennan, I have wondered how their relationship would evolve. When we found out our fourth child was going to be a boy, I assumed he and Parker would be good buddies - and I believe they are. Parker calls Brennan "babe", "baby" or "baby Brennan" and can frequently be found talking to him, giving him a toy, or teaching him how to do something. One of the first things he asks me after he wakes up in the morning is "Can we go wake up Baby Brennan?" I have heard him countless times tell Brennan that he loves him and that he's the best baby. He always tries to get the seat closest to Brennan at the kitchen counter and pulls his seat as close to Brennan's as possible so they can talk while they're eating. It's about the cutest thing in the world.
On a recent trip to the playground with Brennan and Parker, I had a moment where I felt sad for Parker. I was picturing what it would be like if Brennan didn't have the bonus chromosome. They would be running around, Brennan following Parker up the stairs and going down the slide together. Instead, I was holding Brennan as Parker ran around the playground. Then Parker yelled from the top of the slide "Mom, put Brennan at the bottom of the slide, he wants to watch me!" So, I did - and Brennan and Parker laughed and laughed....Parker going down the slide and Brennan watching, clapping, and both of them laughing over and over and over again. Parker, even at his very young age, is making sure that Brennan doesn't miss out on a thing.

Holland?

WELCOME TO HOLLAND
by
Emily Perl Kingsley.

I am often asked to describe the experience of raising a child with a disability - to try to help people who have not shared that unique experience to understand it, to imagine how it would feel. It's like this......

When you're going to have a baby, it's like planning a fabulous vacation trip - to Italy. You buy a bunch of guide books and make your wonderful plans. The Coliseum. The Michelangelo David. The gondolas in Venice. You may learn some handy phrases in Italian. It's all very exciting.

After months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives. You pack your bags and off you go. Several hours later, the plane lands. The stewardess comes in and says, "Welcome to Holland."

"Holland?!?" you say. "What do you mean Holland?? I signed up for Italy! I'm supposed to be in Italy. All my life I've dreamed of going to Italy."

But there's been a change in the flight plan. They've landed in Holland and there you must stay.

The important thing is that they haven't taken you to a horrible, disgusting, filthy place, full of pestilence, famine and disease. It's just a different place.

So you must go out and buy new guide books. And you must learn a whole new language. And you will meet a whole new group of people you would never have met.

It's just a different place. It's slower-paced than Italy, less flashy than Italy. But after you've been there for a while and you catch your breath, you look around.... and you begin to notice that Holland has windmills....and Holland has tulips. Holland even has Rembrandts.

But everyone you know is busy coming and going from Italy... and they're all bragging about what a wonderful time they had there. And for the rest of your life, you will say "Yes, that's where I was supposed to go. That's what I had planned."

And the pain of that will never, ever, ever, ever go away... because the loss of that dream is a very very significant loss.

But... if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn't get to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the very special, the very lovely things ... about Holland.

This poem was written by the mother of a child with Down syndrome. I read it for the first time when Brennan was a couple of weeks old and felt that it put into words exactly what I was feeling. Suddenly, I was in a place that I wasn't expecting to go and quite honestly didn't want to be. I held out hope that, with time, I would find and enjoy the very special and lovely things about Holland. But now, I don't actually feel like I'm in Holland. I feel like I'm still in Italy - but instead of going to Rome and Venice - the cities where most tourists go, I get to go to Portofina and Vercelli - which are just as beautiful, but with fewer visitors. I'm a mother of four fantastic kids and happy to be exactly where I am.